a long week

January 7th

I lay my body down consciously that I was automatically alarmed around 3am. I helped my mom, trying to sleep it off after 3 hours, I can hear my dad grumble behind.

My head ached, my friend rang me for some minutes, texted her that I decided to skip school today, I turned off my phone.

Mom woke me up around 9am, brought me my breakfast. I talk to my boyfriend for a couple of hours and got back to the kitchen as my mom yelled for me to help her.

January 6th

All the class operated today, a little proud of myself that I was able to answer my teacher's question about the relation between Johann Mendel and genetics. Even though I know a 12-year-old teenybopper can give a better answer than mine. 

My anxiety got back amid Biology class, I was again trying to figure out what major I fit in for university. I scribbled on the last page of my note, predicting what my postcard would be like at least 3 years from now:

Dear, X

The last semester of high school filled my mind with future plans. I thought that owning 4 cats and an enthusiasm for watching National Geographic would build me into a successful veterinary student. Recently, I realized it was a pseudonym. I merely wanted to look honorable, surrounded by animals and a vet coat, get a proper job, lot of money after doing surgery on a dog. 

My Hist
ory teacher walked away, leaving no word. Disappointed that my friend wasn't paying attention to her lecture. We all become silent at once.

January 5th 

I can't hold my cry on the call, my boyfriend tried to calm me down. I feel cured henceforth, after being besieged for two and a half years, going through the same awkwardness 5 days a week. 

I am confused about the explanation I shall give to my best friend, years ago I put that topic away each time we met. Make sure I'm happy, being alone and drowned in books among boisterous classmates is my decision. Nothing to worry about. I also have 3 other friends I am close to.

Deep down, I know, never mind the effort I made, there's no seat left for me. I'm so sensitive, and it's my problem.

January 4th

Only one scoop left of the Ice Cream I made yesterday. My brother convinced me it somehow fell from the refrigerator. I felt less disappointed, it could be because I already expected, he would find out where I put my Ice cream while I'm in school and he's home, pretending he caught a cold.

January 3rd

First day of my last semester in high school. Boring. 

January 2nd

-

January 1st.

Happy New Year.

I stay on my bed, watching a video about human puberty. I mull over pointless matters as the video ended, like the depression I had a year ago, as well as the impact of it, insomniac. I cured the cause, and the bump of it slowly faded.








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