y, dzra?

Numerous worriness I put on each decision I am planning. I let it be in the beginning till it halfly possesing me. Regret is what I received. Applying the 'life is just like that' or 'these things happened ' spell is might what I must do now. Because like what he has said, these things curiously happened. Oodless of jinx hitting me, a karma likewise, I'm figuring out what crime I have done, maybe I should be enlightened for all these unbalance in my soul , finding a religious experience that could convert me since I am not being a good religious girl every mom longing for this last 3 years. Adapting with college life is tough. What is right... what is wrong... I am confused. Not used to 30 minutes of traffic to college. It made me a bit depressed. I'm a good listerner I guess, but friends are always busy, where should I go?

I filled my June with baking, making tarts cake and learn to decorate them, my first try wasn't perfect but enough. Life after highschool or the pre-university make the time pass faster, because no lady will sit in front of the room and ask you about what day is it. You don't have to finding the red mark on your calender. Whether its monday or satuday, its a day-off.  Yet on Saturday, I must go 1km from my house, gathering with these American who found my town is rather aunthentic than obselete. Also the locals who eager to speak english.  Because I have passed 6 months of this year, I can say that I've tried enough activity 'alone' this year. I went meeting those English-learner group, alone, although my legs couldn't stop shaking when I start to talk to them nervously. Today I went shopping alone, impulsively buying a pair of ugly earring, I managed to bargain, I told my mom and she said the seller could give me lower price if I keep bargain. 

The draft or scribble of my postcard/letter I have posted in April and May: April 27th Dear, Mikoto. The song I'm listening to recently is Everybody's Changing by Keane. I play it constantly last night, couldn't sleep, I stayed awake till 5am. I think the lyrics of that song describe how my life going on nowadays. Dear, Jesus I have trouble with sleep recently, I thought read myself a book to sleep would help but eventually it keeps me up till dawn, and when I manage to sleep, I get nighmares and mumbling in my sleep. My mama said this morning I yelled ' you are a cheater'. But I can't recall the scene. I'm thinking about visiting a therapist, its necessary yet society here find it absurd. Your friend, Adzra  April 30th Dear, Chen Its a cold night! And I just expereinced an unbelievable moment in my life. I went to an English Club for the first time. It was in a cafe. Turns out they canceled the meeting, but there was group of stranger there gathering for go

Documentary movie is not what I fond of. I barely touch them. After wandering for a while on (an illegal) website, I decide this one to begin my tiresome morning. (Spoiler: the story is about a girl choosing to play the sport she likes over continue her family culture, yet a day where her father abandoned her change her life and her family) 'Purdah' is not merely represent the journey of the main character's, but reveal the reality of marriage, household or a family that often times turn out unexpectedly. The troubles they suffered is prevalent occur in the neighborhood we live in perenially. How they fall into a problem, facing the butterfly effect yet eventually manage to slowly recovery. The personal decision the girl made to priority her hobby over her marriage, her little sister who choose to break her ill marriage yet keep the baby and her older sister who also found out the priorities in her life is what I found powerful in a world where being jud

February 7th What a lifeless Monday, I stood up, wandering around the room, dragging my infusion pole beside me to the window, my room is not placed in the front yet on the side of the building. Hence, I can't see the street view, but a parking lot view.  Nothing else I can do, I lay my body down again, thinking this such rehabilitation is what I long for all these time, without phone and chatter.  An old memory from my tenth grade came up out of the blue. My friend was crying, worrying about my health after not showing off to school for 2 days. Months later, she flew away to another town. The reaction she made was dramatic, but it's fun to know someone's looking out for you. February 6th My whole body tremble rapidly, I tried to appease them, still its hard even to stop your finger. A burnt feeling filled my chest, I start screaming, my mom gets panicky.  I ought to move my body, but no position can cure all the sore, I gave it up. I thought I was dying.  February 5th No o

J anuary 7th I lay my body down consciously that I was automatically alarmed around 3am. I helped my mom, trying to sleep it off after 3 hours, I can hear my dad grumble behind, saying my work is unsatisfied him.  My head aching, my friend rang me for some minutes, texted her that I decide to skip school today, I turned off my phone. Mom wakes me up around 9am, brought me my breakfast. I talk to my boyfriend for a couple of hours and get back to the kitchen as my mom yelled for me to help her. January 6th All the class operates today, a little proud of myself that I be able to answer my teacher's question of the relation between Johann Mendel and genetics. Even though, I know a 12 year old teenybopper can give a better answer than mine.  My anxiety get back amid Biology class, I again trying to figure out what major I fit in for university. I scribbled on the last page of my note, predict what my postcard would written like at least 3 years by now: Dear, X The last semester of high